At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
