I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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