I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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