I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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