Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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