I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
