Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
