I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
