just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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