You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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