I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
