summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
