before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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