Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
