i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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