Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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