You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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