my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
