hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
