Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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