We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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