I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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