C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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