Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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