Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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