I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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