I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
