Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
