We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
