he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
