First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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