i may or may not be watching the land before time
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
