I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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