Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
