I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
