i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The Olympian is in my bed
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
