My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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