living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
