: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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