i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
