She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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