i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
