Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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