I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
