u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
from now on my penis is your penis
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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