THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I want a musical about memes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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