All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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