I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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