I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
