is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
