btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
